While reading a really good book, Consequential Strangers, I came across a
particularly wise section (pp. 187-190).
Relationships with people we hire are rarely symmetrical. We work with a coach (the book refers to therapists) and we feel a special bond. We remember the coach’s words as we move throughout our week. Meanwhile, the coach has up to 20 or 30 clients. She might think we’re special, but we aren’t really friends.
In my own experience, friendship with a client or mentor often ends badly. When I became friends with clients, there was always an awkwardness if we were chatting “as friends” and the client talked about her business. If I made a comment, was I speaking as a friend or as an expert? It’s awkward to say to the former client, “Can we just talk about social things, like cats and clothes?”
One client began to branch off in new directions so there was no danger of an overlap. I didn’t understand his business. But one day he started talking about blogging and other aspects of social networking. I realized I could help but at this point, he didn’t want me to be a mentor. I could only watch helplessly as he invested big bucks with advice that seemed useless. My role was ambiguous.
What do you think? Click on Comments below to share.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Cathy, thanks for reading and writing about Consequential Strangers. (I found out through Google Alerts!) I know it was just one of many stories, but the mentoring piece was very important to me. It’s surprising that non-intimate relationships can have almost as many pitfalls as those with our loved ones. I’m proud of the book, though, because it’s opening people’s eyes to the nuances–and importance–of relationships they often take for granted. Glad you enjoyed it.
Best,
Melinda Blau
This is a great topic! Thanks for writing about it.
In my life, my friends generally want my unconditional love and support more than they want my advice, no matter how well intentioned.
My clients however, while they do want a sensitive delivery, expect me to give them the straight goods…even if the information stings a bit at the time.
I don’t coach my friends or coddle my clients so it’s best to keep those relationships separate I find.
Keep those cards & letters coming, Cathy.
Warmly,
Cathy Demers
http://www.MagneticGoals.com